Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
