I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
