Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
