i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
