On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
