i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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