i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
