There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
