There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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