Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Randomize
