she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
