He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
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