I must be too annoying 4 u.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
He kissed a someone with a penis
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Randomize
