someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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