She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
