Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
