I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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