I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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