You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
