It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I'm really busy with my period
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