Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
