The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
