whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
