I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
