dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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