somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
