Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
