I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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