The maid of honor just puked.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
