I must be too annoying 4 u.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
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