Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
