why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
