you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
