Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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