It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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