Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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