Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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