Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
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