Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
