Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
