Soap is not a condiment
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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