mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Randomize
