i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
