NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
These tits shall not be calmed
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
