At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
