Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Thank you for not boning my boss.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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