i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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