Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
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