he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
