Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
