I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Hippo gnu deer
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
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