Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Randomize
