I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
