Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
