I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Randomize
