1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
